What Is

A poem I wrote for my daughters — inspired by none other than Dr Seuss

What was, what was, will not be again
It happened before, in the past my friend
What if, what if, may never be
It’s a made-up occurrence we are unlikely to see
What is, what is, is the place to be
Its here, it’s happening now to you and me
What is, is bliss, what-is is freeing
It’s a way to show up as a human being
What is, is where I am standing now
What-is is living, what-is is real…wow!
Sometimes it is nice to visit what was
To remember, smile, reflect and pause
And please have a small thought for what-ifs
They may save you from walking straight off cliffs
What was-es and what-ifs are all in our mind
And can make us miss what is from time to time
The place you’ll feel most calm is when you live what is
It will keep you away from anxious fuzzy mind biz
Releasing more energy to focus
On the present of presence gifted to us
So take a deep breath and live your day
fill it with the what-is-es you choose to play

First Published on Medium

How I Check My Vibrational Level of Consciousness

Dr Hawkin’s Scale and Christie-Marie Sheldon’s Energy Awareness gifted me a tool to monitor my emotional vibrations

One is a million

I have heard this said by many of my teachers.

The first time I heard it was like…what the is this woo-woo stuff I am listening too?! One is a million..pfff. I stayed amused though and like anything, the more I learnt, the more I understood.

How I turn up in my day directly affects everyone else I encounter.

The good ole ripple effect.

“Just as ripples spread out when a single pebble is dropped into water, the actions of individuals can have far-reaching effects” — Dalai Lama

The contagious smile….or if we are thinking about the current situation, the Coronavirus. I like the smile version a shit tonne better.

If my headspace is cluttered with feelings of guilt or fear my filters of awareness are blurred.

I show up with less energy.

My capacity to handle the slightest drama will trigger an unconscious reaction vs a conscious response.

Dr David Hawkins chart of consciousness mixed with muscle testing I learnt from Christie-Marie Sheldon help me track what vibration I am at.

Usually, it is obvious, how I feel. BUT my physical body and the intellectual side of my brain doesn’t always align with my energy and subconscious side of my brain.

For years I was telling myself I had things under control…until BAM! I became an emotional leaking mess of a human.

So how do I know if what I am thinking and feeling is what I am giving off into the world?

If you haven’t come across it before — here is what Dr David Hawkin’s scale of consciousness looks like.

I am unsure who to credit for this image — I assume Dr David Hawkins but I sourced it from Pinterest

The muscle testing I do is the linking of fingers as demonstrated by Christie-Marie herself.

The test demo starts at the 3:30 timestamp.

If you have time, do yourself a favour and watch the whole thing-it shows you pretty much exactly what I do. Heads up — Christie-Marie has an addictive giggle when she speaks — I remember hearing it is from the source energy connection she has.

Christie-Marie Sheldon – Muscle Testing Clip

The steps I take are —

  1. Ask a question to muscle test a true response (unbroken finger link)
  2. Ask a question to muscle test a false response (broken finger link)
  3. Physically look at the scale and pick the emotion I think I am operating at
  4. I ask “Am I vibrating from a place of Desire?”
  5. If I test strong, I ask “Am I vibrating above Desire?”
  6. I keep asking for each level or skip a few until I break.
  7. I retest the level under the break to confirm if it is strong
  8. I know where I am “in” that moment.

Every time I do this, I have to remind myself there is no right or wrong level — it just is what it is….doesn’t mean I don’t ever judge myself though.

The days I do judge tend to be the days I am operating on the lower end of the scale — energy expended elsewhere, lack of sleep, an unexpected confrontation, feeling like I am not enough.

Then I remember…this is a tool. A guide to help me know I need to look within and clear the source of the energy block. Assign a new meaning. Work at a new habit. Re-balance so I can show up better in the next moment.

Whenever my daughter does it she is usually operating from the level of Enlightenment — I know why she is my biggest teacher!

I understand it isn’t for everyone, but it is a tool that helps me immensely. And since one is a million, it helps the world more than you will ever truly know.

It’s free to try so why not give it a go? Even if it is just to prove me wrong.

Thanks for reading.

Originally Published on Medium

Spotto the Positive in Life

The kid’s game that can help light your path out of negativity.

Hi. My name is Amy, I’m a personal growth addict.

I have consumed a massive amount of content these last 12 months.

All of it has had a golden nugget to add to the toolkit and I don’t regret doing any of it. The person I was last year is, thankfully, a stranger to me.

Besides spruiking personal growth, I want to share a powerful common thread in these teachings — positivity and gratitude.

Ok… I can almost hear you sigh “not another Pollyanna going on about gratitude”…. but here I go anyway.

Gotta be something to it if so many of us are writing about it, yeah?!

The more you notice the positives in your life and feel gratitude for them, the more you will notice and feel grateful for. It trains your brain while spiralling you up out of negativity.

It reminds me of the game “spotto”.

For the unfamiliar, spotto is an Aussie game where you pick a car and yell “Spotto!” every time, you spot one. The less violent version of punch buggy. Handy for a road trip to break up eye-spy or should that be screen time now?

My kids and I play the game by picking a colour, “yellow car” or even “motorbike”. The motorbike was my partner’s idea to train the girls to spot riders on the road. Nothing like being prepared for when they start driving…in 14 years. Maybe we won’t even have cars then? Ok, apologies, I am getting off track.

Back to the positive and gratitude stuff. The same thing goes here, except you use the game to spot the positive stuff in your life. Like catching a beautiful sunset, hearing someone laugh, giving or getting a smile or smelling onions cooking- yep gets my mouth watering every time and I don’t even really like eating onions!


When I started to train my brain to spot the positive, the smaller or seemingly insignificant the better, it became easier and easier to do, until everything feels like it’s positive, even the negative given time.

When I started writing my positive spottos down (or use a free gratitude app) I found myself with a go-to list.

A drama or trauma situation in the past would have left me in a looping overthinking spin for days, weeks and even years. For the most part, these spins last a maximum of a couple of hours until I remember my list. Reading it awakens the positive panda to kick me out of my negative spin and get me smiling again.

It’s free.


It doesn’t take long.

Give it a go, even if it is just to prove me wrong.

Thanks for reading.

Photo by Tommy Lisbin on Unsplash
Originally published on Medium in Know Thyself

Monster Mum

Well… off it goes.

My debut picture book manuscript for Monster Mum has been sent to its first slush pile.

I seriously believe they need to change it to something more positive…like a lush pile!

Who is Monster Mum by the way?

It’s me… well technically my alter ego.

I use to take the edge off challenging parenting times. My girls find it hilarious when I use my monster voice. I get the message across that I am at my limit and at the same time, stop myself from unconsciously yelling like a crazy person.

I believe this picture book has the potential to, at least, give readers (parent and child) an opportunity to share a laugh.

Maybe even give them the space to start creating solutions together for use during emotionally charged times.

Time will tell!

Allergy Angst at Parties and Gatherings

How being human amongst lots of other humans is risky to an allergy sufferer

“Billie, would you like one?” Across the picnic table, I watch as someone offers my daughter a mini sausage roll. Pastries usually have an egg wash, or people sometimes bind the filling with egg so I am about to shout out a mum demanded “No!”

“I am allergic to eggs and nuts,” she tells them as her little sister Matilda grabs one.

Phew. “Good girl”, I think.

The next thought is “I have to make sure when Matilda finishes that food I wash her hands and her mouth out”.

I recall the time I was distracted by life and forgot to. Matilda ending up drinking from Billie’s water bottle and triggered an allergic reaction in her sister.

During the aftermath of that, Billie managed to knock her nose on the spew bowl she was using at the time.

The guilt I experienced as I witnessed the fear in my daughter’s eyes as she spewed, holding her nose and trying to cry is near impossible to forget. Tears are running down my eyes as I write. A lump forming in my throat as my mind takes me back to that moment in the past.

All from a simple mistake on my part and not paying attention.
Reacting to life’s pulls and tugs instead of being fully present.
Not taking the steps I needed to provide my daughter with a safe environment on repeat.

  1. Taking a phone call and forgetting to wash Matilda’s hands and mouth after she had something with egg in it while we were out
  2. Not preventing Matilda from taking a sip from Billie’s water bottle as others talked to me during a school pick up
  3. Forgetting Matilda drank from Billie’s water bottle
  4. Not washing the bottle out when we got home
  5. Watching as Billie took a drink from her water bottle with traces of egg on it, and only realising then what I had done —
  6. Attempting to accept the isness of what was to come from my distractions.

I may be being a melodramatic mother, narcissistic even some may say. Either way, it is a memory that still returns years later to remind me to pay attention.

To add a bit of context, Billie is anaphylactic to nuts and has an allergy to eggs.

Nut exposure means a jab of adrenaline, an ambulance ride and 6 hours of observation in the hospital. Reactions can worsen/return within a 48 period after exposure so throw in a couple of sleepless nights for me and her dad as we take turns in monitoring her.

Eggs when directly ingested will make Billie vomit bile for a good 12 hours. When she indirectly ingests egg (say from a kiss from someone who has eaten eggs that day, or as a 5-year-old still often does, unconsciously puts her hands in her mouth after playing with something that has a smear of birthday cake on it) she will vomit bile the following day for most of the day.

In both egg instances, a rash will hang around on her body for a couple of weeks and then usually she will have a few days of high temperatures and a sinus type infection.

Taking this into account, after years of learning, mis-takes with the side of mummy guilt, I try my very best to minimise her exposure to eggs and nuts.

Back to the family picnic. At this stage, I have completely stopped paying attention to the person I was talking to. I apologise if you are ever this person. As parents, most of us have the understanding nobody is “fully” present when their little treasures are still learning to navigate the world. Yay for support vs judgement!

On to the next thought. My mind starts racing again, “That person must not have been here when I announced Billie’s allergies.
I need to go tell them and check who else is here that I haven’t told.
I need to go tell Billie I was proud of her for saying no.
Oh, and I must remember to wash Matilda’s hands and mouth..has she finished that sausage roll yet?!
Ah, maybe I should have stayed home…it’s so much easier!”

Since raising a bubble child is not on my agenda, I need to get that last thought of staying at home out of my head. What I need to do is take a breath, settle my racing mind and focus on working through the parts I can control and manage one at a time.

One of the things I can control is packing our food. The others,

  • To always carry an epi-pen
  • To make sure everyone at the party or gathering is aware of her allergies. Be clear that she is only to eat her safe food. Add in the final comment I still cringe at saying, “Please don’t kiss my daughter on the lips”
  • For me to stay alert (and sober — that’s another story of social pressure!)
  • For me to keep aware of Matilda
  • Make sure to remind the girls to drink from their water bottles
  • Make sure they wash their hands before they eat
  • Make sure I keep track of what I am eating
  • For me to keep empowering Billie to be aware and control her risks.

What I can’t control is how others take this on board.

I completely appreciate and understand why those who don’t deal with allergies daily may not understand all the facts. Geez, I am still learning myself!

I understand people want to include everyone when offering food around.

I understand we are all human and get distracted.

I understand we have different beliefs about how to treat a health condition.

I understand kids are going to touch things that others with allergens on their hands have touched.

I understand people believe they have found the next big cure for allergies and want to test it out on my kid.

But damn all these things make it tricky in a social gathering.

Especially when the people offering Billie food or a kiss are people she trusts.

There have been times where people truly believe they are offering my daughter safe food, but in the moments that follow there is a realisation that Oh! Whoops!
“I only checked it had nuts in it”. The reality was that it contained egg whites.
Or
“Ah, it is just a carrot. It’s ok” Then the realisation when I make a point “Sorry! I didn’t think about the dip with nuts in it on the same plate”.
The list goes on.

I often start overthinking and wonder the impact it will have on Billie’s connections with people. Am I making her a leper? I know when I make the announcement and the preceding conversations and questions about her allergies make her embarrassed. I tell her, “I wish there was another way my sweet, but until we come up with a better way to keep you safe, this is the best your mum can do”.

No matter what challenges come up in our lives, I need to accept that I can only do the best I can do in that moment. I need to stay focused on what I can control, accept that life will happen and be as prepared as I can be.

This story can be found also on Medium